I am not the type of person with a quick, witty comeback. I’m the one who stands there, slack-jawed, staring at someone’s absolutely inane, uneducated comment. Five minutes later, I have the perfect retort… but the moment has passed. I’ve missed my window.

Consider this your stash of ammunition for the dumb stuff people say about celiac disease. For a primer on how I approach these conversations, see my post on raising celiac awareness.

Note: These are meant for polite conversation at parties or gatherings with people you don’t know well. They’re not for close friends or intimate conversations. I’ve also included a few snarky comebacks—just for fun.

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“I have a friend/sister/cousin who’s gluten sensitive/celiac, and they went to Europe and didn’t have a problem with the bread there.”

Answer: “I’m glad they had a nice trip. Celiac disease exists in Europe too. European celiac patients can’t eat gluten-filled bread and pasta safely either.”

Snarky: “Great! I’ll just move to Europe and my celiac will go away!”

“Celiac disease didn’t exist 20 years ago.”

Answer: “It sure did. Celiac disease has been around for more than 1,000 years. We just have better testing and more awareness now, so people who are sick can actually find relief.”

For more on how testing and diagnosis have changed, check out this overview of celiac testing and awareness.

Snarky: “Too bad it exists today.”

“All celiac people are skinny.”

Answer: “That used to be the stereotype, but now we know celiac disease can look different in different people.”

Or: “Yeah, I was unhealthily skinny because my body wasn’t absorbing nutrients.”

Snarky: “Yep—if I start eating gluten again, I’ll get really skinny.”

“Celiac disease is made up.”

Answer: “Please tell that to my gastrointestinal system so I can go back to eating all the good food.”

(There should be laughter after this one.)

Snarky: “I’m so glad you think my diagnosed autoimmune disease is made up. Where’s your medical degree from?”

“What do you eat?”

Answer: “I eat really well—lots of fruits, vegetables, rice, potatoes, meat, seafood, cheese, eggs, and dairy. Honestly, it’s made me a better cook with less junk in my diet.”

If you’re curious, here’s what I actually eat in a week.

Snarky: “All the sad food… without the gluten.”

“I brought you this organic, vegan bread.”

Answer: “Thank you so much—that was very kind of you. Organic, vegan, and gluten free aren’t the same thing. There’s organic, vegan wheat… and I can’t eat wheat.”

For more on this, see my guide to label reading and hidden gluten.

Snarky: “Yum!”

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Got more answers or retorts? Let’s share them in the comments!